Conversation with guru

"Fire. There's a fire burning inside of me," I say. "I guess you could call it a yearning,
a longing for something." 

I smirk a little.

"There are buildings in Europe that are thousands of years old,

structures in Egypt and Latin America

even older than that.

Civilization has run its course for thousands of years, 

honey,
and that's not even taking the rest of the universe into consideration," she says.

This woman sitting across the table from me,

she's peering.

Peering into me.

She sees it all

in the way the lights bounce off the lenses 

covering 

my pupils.

These lenses--so penetrable,

so open

to those who know how to peel away the layers.

And this woman,

she's doing it with magnificent precision.

She's seeing things in me that I wasn't even aware of,

accessing different levels of my psyche,

giving me advice

that I didn't know I needed.

"So tell me," I say. 

"Tell me more."

And now, 

she's telling me to let it go, my problems are made up.

It will all work out.

There are higher forces.

And you expect me not to grip the table
and scream in her face?

That's my gut reaction, baby, I'm expressive.

I'm dying here,

and I don't want to fizzle out. 

Roman candles and all that.

But we've been through this before.

I silence myself.

And she just sits there with the kindest eyes you'll ever see,

looking right at me,

through me,

and bouncing it all back.

"Oh, you think you are clever." She chuckles.

"And you are. But did you ever think of this…?"

No, no, I hadn't thought of that. Hadn't even considered it.

I soften, lower my gaze, let my shoulders sink

as I think.

"Quiet the mind," she says.

She smiles sweetly,

pleasantly, 

and closes her eyes.

I look up at her, feeling all my energy
surge back, electrifying my fingertips.
I twitch.

Is she crazy? Why am I here?

"How can I quiet a mind that's in a thousand places at once?" I ask,
incredulous.
"The world is falling apart
at our feet.
Blood covers the streets.
We're being murdered, our dreams betrayed,
every day,
people like you and me.
Life's beating us down incessantly.
Suffering! There's no rest.
Yet you sit here smiling
as if you have not a care in the world."
Her eyes remain closed.

Her smile widens.

After a period of silence, she responds.

"If you wish to be given everything,

give everything up."